


Love isn't a weakness

by pest3rlng



Category: Friday Night Funkin' (Video Game), Pico's School (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluffy Ending, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Nene, Multi, Pico needs therapy, Polyamory, Probably ooc, School Shootings, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivors Guilt, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:27:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29973210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pest3rlng/pseuds/pest3rlng
Summary: Pico's been dealing with everything by himself, and he has been for a long time. This time being way worse than any of the other times. Keith finds him amidst this breakdown.
Relationships: Boyfriend (Friday Night Funkin')/Pico (Pico's School), Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Friday Fight Funkin')/Pico (Pico's School), Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Friday Night Funkin'), Girlfriend (Friday Night Funkin')/Pico (Pico's School)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	Love isn't a weakness

**Author's Note:**

> yeah yeah, cheesy title cuz I cant title for the life of me.  
> I'm new to writing n' all!  
> There will probably be writing errors! Sorry in advance for that!

He felt numb. Pico felt numb, yet there was a coldness, not in the sense that he was cold; it is more of an inside feeling than an outside one. Pico had been feeling this most of the day. He couldn’t recall waking up, or when Keith left or how much time he spent lying on the bed; he couldn’t be bothered. 

It wasn’t odd for him to feel this way, although It had been a while since he felt like this. Being around Cherry and Keith had given him somewhat of a break from his mind and the feeling of not being whole. It wasn’t too long ago that he moved in with Keith, though Cherry still stayed with her overbearing parents; This left Pico alone half of the days as both Keith and Cherry would go to their singing battles, with high hopes to win big bucks. They’d give him the offer of coming along, and In the beginning, he did go along with his partners, but over the past two weeks, he found himself making excuses to stay home. _‘I got things to do today’_ or _‘I’m too tired.’_ became his go-to excuses.

During those two weeks, he’d usually stayed in bed for an hour or two before getting up to do minor house chores to make it seem like he did something productive before going back to doing nothing, except today was worse. _Way worse._

Pico stayed lying on the bed, not taking his eyes off the ceiling. The whirring white noise of the fan kept him present, but not _entirely_ . He heard a few cars pass and people in the neighbouring apartments every so often, but Pico never fully realized what was happening; it was aimless noise to him. Nevertheless, said aimless sounds brought him back to reality, if only for a bit.

Pico always tried to will himself out of bed during the moments he was out of his flurry of burdensome thoughts; it never worked. It wasn’t like he wanted to stay in bed. He could’ve been doing plenty of things around the apartment, doing anything productive. It was like his body had given up on him, only to leave his brain running with the anxiety-provoking thoughts, his mind always going back to his middle-school. This problem’s only started after _the event._

After middle school, he always had his guard up, always putting on a stern face. Pico _needed_ to seem tough. He _was_ tough. 

Pico didn’t want to be seen like this, seen as vulnerable. Maybe that’s why he kept refusing to go out with his partners. Pico needed time alone to get all of his negative feelings out, but It became harder to hide it once he moved in with Keith.

He hated putting up a mask to hide this side from Keith and Cherry, but it felt needed to keep himself safe. It was kind of ironic to him, seeing as you were supposed to feel safe around your partner. Pico never felt safe anymore, only glimpses of safety.

The thoughts of having to tell Keith and Cherry, knowing he had to come clean about this problem to them, gave him anxiety. Pico wasn’t emotionally driven or emotionally open, opting to tell his love through actions and physical contact. So coming close to telling them made his chest riddled with tight foreboding anxiety. All the _‘what ifs’_ racing through his mind, but the one thing that made him not want to tell them, was being vulnerable and having them leave him.  
Pico knew that they weren’t like that. He cursed himself for even thinking that, yet the godawful thoughts kept at it. Pico knew Keith and Cherry cared about him and loved him, he knew it more than anything in his chaotic mind, yet thoughts were second-guessing their trust, love, everything.

_‘Stop, stop, stop.’_

He tried to think of something else, _anything else_ ; The weather came to his mind. 

Pico thought about how it always felt like a dark cloudy day when he didn’t feel mentally well; permanently having threats of a storm but never happening; it always kept him on his toes and wistfully hoping for the sun to come out.

A car passed, and with that, he snapped back into reality; a headache came in full swing; he wasn’t all too sure if he had a headache throughout his constant thinking, but it was there now.

Pico groaned, urging himself to roll out of bed, and doing just that, he sat up, the blood roaring in his ears; it was all he could hear. Wincing at the pain, he got out of bed and headed to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes as he adjusted to the light. Keith had always had the habit of opening the curtains. Pico didn’t have much of a problem with it aside from now. His head pounded. He walked to the small kitchen, getting a glass of water and ibuprofen. Washing down the pills with the water, gulping down the water. 

Not realizing how dehydrated he was, grabbing another cup of water before downing that as well. Pico looked at the time; It was half-past five. He had wasted most of his day. 

He mumbled curses under his breath, putting the cup on the counter. Walking toward’s the door, he grabbed the pack of smokes and lighter from the entrance table. Looking at him in the mirror that hung above the table, he looked godawful. 

Pico took a step outside, shutting the door behind him before lighting up his cigarette. Pico had started smoking back in high school. It was a habit that stuck with him. Of course, he tried dropping it plenty of times, yet he kept coming back to it. It was a temporary relief for his anxiety, an outlet. 

He sucked in the smoke, exhaling out the smoke, flicking the ash off the end of the cigarette. It wasn’t at all helping his headache, making him feel worse and a bit nauseous. Pico continued to smoke, debating if he should even do some cleaning up before Keith got back. At the very least, he should make it look like he didn’t spend his day lying in bed. Maybe taking a quick shower would help his headache and mood, just _maybe_. 

He finished his cigarette, flicking it onto the ground, walking back inside. Locking the door behind him was force of habit, giving him a small amount of comfort. Putting the pack of smokes and lighter back onto the entrance table, he made his way into the small living room, laying back on the shabby couch, his head pounded from the sudden change in position. 

There it was again, the cold disquiet settling in; why was he feeling this way? He was supposed happy. That wasn’t saying he wasn’t happy. Pico was satisfied with his life; Keith and Cherry brought more joy in his life than he could’ve asked for; was it because of all the thoughts of being left behind, or how wasn’t worthy of being happy? Possibly, yet it didn’t seem to sit with him right.

He wasn’t deserving of this; there _it_ was. Time and time again, he’d have this debate, trying to find another answer, non-stuck except this one. Pico didn’t deserve to live. He got out of the middle school with his life, and why? Cause Pico got lucky that the girl who caused all the mess had a small crush on him? It was _cruel_ ; only he and Nene had gotten out, both robbed of their childhood. Not treated the same after the event, getting asked questions everyone thought they knew the answers to; They were just _kids_. Him, Nene and Darnell played Russian roulette once too, and god, did he wish now for the singular bullet in the chamber to be the thing that killed him, yet here he was. The middle school event’s kept them together till the end of high school, Nene got better, but Pico got worse.

It left a bitter taste in his mouth; he could’ve done more. Pico _knew_ he could’ve done more to save more people. Why did he get to live when so many people died.

_“Who here as eaten an apple?”_ The sense of nostalgia and impending doom hung over him. _“That’s great, Pico.” _The voice was loud and clear; he had forgotten the teachers’ name. Her voice was sweet and soft. _Oblivious_ of what would happen next. Everything felt fuzzy, and with a pin-drop, there he was, sitting on the school floor he dreaded ever going back to. Pico didn’t see what happened. He ducked when Casandra started shooting, the initial scream of his friends, his classmates. Pico remained there before uncurling his body to look at the class, his surrounding classmates dead. Their blood everywhere.__

__His mouth went dry, and the smell, oh god, the smell; the overwhelming metallic scent of blood and smoke. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. His whole body trembled as the fear washed over him; it kept getting worse. He heard the sob’s coming from other rooms, distant gunshots and screams, the _screams_. He shut his eyes tight, wishing himself away from the carnage._ _

__A familiar voice came echoing through the screams and sobs._ _

_“Pico? Pico.”_

__The voice kept at it, saying his name in a worried tone. Pico couldn’t figure out who’s voice kept echoing in his head, ringing through the endless screams. Was it even real? Then a small touch on his leg. He instinctively winced away from the contact. “Pico, It’s Keith.”_ _

__He willed himself to open his eyes, praying he still wasn’t in the school; He wasn’t. Yet the smell of blood didn’t go away—Keith was kneeling in front of him. Pico didn’t recollect how he got onto the floor or when Keith got here, but there he sat._ _

__A concerned expression on Keiths face. Pico didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he let out a short, shaky breath. He lowered his hands from his ears; when did he cover them? He couldn’t remember._ _

__Pico looked at his hands, looking back up at Keith and immediately grabbed Keith into a hug, making sure he was real. Pico needed to know that he was real. Pico needed to know he wasn’t in that god-forsaken school._ _

__“Pico, I think you were having a flashback.” He heard Keith say, his hands rubbing his back. Pico held onto Keith like at any moment he was going to get ripped away from him. “You’re alright now. I’m here.”_ _

__He didn’t realize he had started crying, the tears welling up, and it didn’t stop. “Pico, you’re safe; you’re gonna be okay,” Keith muttered gently, rubbing Pico’s back. With that, he let out a sob, his breathing becoming rapid as he kept crying out. All his bottled-up emotions were coming out. Pico couldn’t stop crying; it was uncontrollable. The mantra of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I didn’t mean to’ came out in sobs. His whole body tremored, uneven breathing became hyperventilating. His throat burned._ _

__“Hey, hey, hey, Pico, It’s okay.” Keith said, “C’mere, slow down your breathing, ‘m not gonna go anywhere.” He gently stroked Picos back. “Shh shh, you’re okay,” He whispered._ _

__“Tell me I’m real,” Pico choked out, his voice cracking. Keith nodded. “Pico, you’re real, I’m real, we’re real” He pulled away from Picos’ hug, looking at him with a solemn look. “We’re real, and you’re real, Pico” He wiped away some of his tears. Keith held Pico’s face in his hands, his thumbs gently brushing over his cheek. “You’re real..”_ _

__Pico’s tears didn’t stop, neither did his hyperventilating. He began feeling lightheaded. This seemed too good to be true, but it was true. “Cherry... Where is she..?” Pico cried out through uneven breaths._ _

__“She’s taking a quick shower. She’ll be out in a few minutes..” Keith said gently, “She’ll be here, don’t you worry..”_ _

__Keith pulled Pico back into a hug, Pico inhaling the cheap cologne that Keith used. Pico’s breathing started to calm more, crying out onto Keith’s shoulder while he rubbed his back, shushing him softly with the occasional ‘It’s okay’ Pico wasn’t entirely grounded, yet he was coming down. That didn’t stop his crying._ _

__

__Keith kept holding onto Pico. His sobbing kept dying down but would pick back up to being uncontrollable._ _

__“Pico? Keith?” Hearing Cherry’s tender voice, Pico pulled away from Keith, looking toward’s where her voice had come from. With one look at Pico, she quickly got to his side, sitting on the floor with them. “Pico, darling, what’s the matter?” Cherry took his hands into her own, gently holding them. He shook his head, trying to blink the tears away; It didn’t work. His face felt hot with shame. “I’m sorry.” That was the only thing he could manage to get out. He hung his head down. He started bawling his eyes out once more, blubbering incomprehensible sentences._ _

__Cherry took him into her arms, pulling him closer. “Pico, babe, you’re alright. We’re here now,” she softly said. She gently ran her fingers through his hair._ _

__“I found ‘em like this... He was having a flashback..” He heard Keith whisper to Cherry._ _

__“Pico hun, why didn’t you call us..?” She asked. He shook his head, sobbing out apologies that he couldn’t stop._ _

___‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’_ Pico didn’t stop repeating it._ _

__They stayed like that, on the floor. Small words of comfort being said through Pico’s sobbing. It wasn’t long till he stopped, his breathing calming down though still shaky. He pulled away from Cherry, wiping his puffy eyes and nose with his sleeve._ _

__Both Cherry and Keith looked at him, their expressions both dolent._ _

__“Are you okay?” Keith spoke out. Pico shook his head no, not wanting to speak out for fear he’d start crying again._ _

__“Do you wanna talk about it?” Cherry asked, her voice sounding worried. He hated that he’d made them this worried about him._ _

__“I..” He paused. He should tell them what happened, how he’d been feeling over the past two weeks. Pico knew he shouldn’t hide it from them. “I don’t know.”_ _

__She nodded. “It’s okay if you don’t… We’ll always be here for you.”_ _

__“Yeah, we’ll always be here, Pico, cause we love you.”_ _

__Cherry took his hands into her own, rubbing her thumbs on the top of his hands. “Can I get some tissues…” He asked in a raspy voice. “And maybe some water..”_ _

__“Oh, sure thing” Keith got up, walking to the kitchen for tissues and a glass of water. “Pico, you can tell us what’s wrong,” She whispered, looking at him. “You’ve been acting off, but I didn’t wanna pry.” She gave him a small worried smile._ _

__Keith came back with the tissue box and a glass of water, setting them back on the floor. Pico grabbed the glass of water, gulping it down. “Thanks..” He muttered._ _

__Cherry took some of the tissues, wiping her shoulder and wiping Keiths as well. Pico grabbed some of the tissues as well, blowing his nose._ _

__Sighing, he looked at both of them. “I’ll tell you guy’s what’s wrong.”_ _

__They stared at him intently; taking an anxious breath, he began. “I… I’m not sure.” Pico’s gaze went back to the floor. The attention being on him made him a bit antsy._ _

__“Take your time. It’s okay,” Cherry said, her soft tone calming down his anxiety._ _

__“Okay, I’m not okay.” Pico said dejectedly, “Fuck, It’s just I’ve been depressed, but that’s not surprising, is it? Seeing that I survived a school shooting just because some fucked up _girl_ had some crush on me, wasn’t I fuckin’ lucky.” _ _

__Pico balled his hands into a fist. “And of course, I had to test my luck by playing Russian roulette.” He paused. “Why did I come out with my life when so many people died. _I could’ve done more_ ”_ _

__“I’ve been told time and time again that I should be happy that I’m alive. Why the fuck would I be happy. I killed to get out of that fucking school. Now, whenever I _am_ happy, it always goes back to that school.” His voice cracked. “I always feel like I’m being hunted, by what? Nothing. It’s still there though, It’s exhausting.” _ _

__Pico let out a shaky breath, his whole body trembling. “It’s tiring, even laying in bed. Sometimes my body just stops working, and I shut down. Fuckin’ hell, I spent all day doing that. Nothing”_ _

__“There were so many people with more potential than me, and I was the one who got out of it…But I got out of it with Nene, she understood. She and I stuck together. I don’t blame her for skipping town to get away from the godawful events,” He hesitated to say anything more._ _

__“I didn’t want to pull you two into this; it’s apart of me though. I don’t like feeling weak? Or seeming like that. I don’t like being seen as some dame in need.” He scoffed, “It’s fuckin’ stupid. How I feel, it’s foolish.”_ _

__“Don’t say that. What you’re feeling is valid, Pico.” Keith looked towards Cherry._ _

__“Keith is right. You don’t have to go through this alone. What you went through was life-changing. I want you to know it’s alright to reach out. I know it seems like… A huge stretch, especially for you, seeing that you had to go through this alone.” She thought for a moment. “You did all you could. You were just a kid, Pico.”_ _

__“What happened, happened. Life doesn’t have some point system or isn’t luck-based at all..” Keith took a small breath, his hand rested on Pico’s knee. “And you aren’t weak. You’ve been through so much. It isn’t weak of you to admit that you aren’t okay or talk about your feelings…We’ll always be here for you, Pico. Always.”_ _

__Pico gave a small smile; he wasn’t all too good with this emotional junk or being comforted. It was an odd feeling. Sure, he was embarrassed that he had a breakdown, showing that he did have more than he showed on the surface. Although he did still feel not entirely well, being with Cherry and Keith made him feel better than he had felt before._ _

__“Thanks, guys” He hesitated, looking at them before continuing, “I… I love you two, lots”_ _

__“Like, A lot a lot?” Keith smiled; Cherry nudged at him. “What? It was a genuine question.”_ _

__Pico felt his face heat up. “Yes, I love you two a lot a lot— Now can we like, watch a movie or something.”_ _

__Cherry smiled, “We love you too, Pico.” Keith nodded. “Yeah! We love you too.”_ _

__Pico got up, moving to the couch. The two following in suit, sitting on either side of him. “Now, what are we gonna watch?” Cherry looked at the two. Keith shrugged. “Maybe a horror movie!”_ _

__“I don’t like horror movies though—They scare me.”_ _

__“Thats what they’re supposed to do, babe.”_ _

__The two continued to quarrel. On the other hand, Pico got lost in thought; it wasn’t the usual troublesome thoughts. It wasnt about middle school or the _‘what ifs.’__ _

__He couldn’t figure out the right words for it, but it was good. Maybe he should open up more, even if it was just a bit. It was a wary thought, but it made him feel something. It was equivalent to a warm hug or hot soup when you’re sick; closer. Possibly being inside during what feels like the worst storm, the sense of being secure. The sense of being safe, there it was. _He felt safe.__ _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm such a sucker for a happy ending.  
> If you will, leave a Kudo and maybe a comment!  
> Stay safe.


End file.
